I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
