I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
