My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
