i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
