I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
