I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
