i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
