Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
