dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I believe in your delicious
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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