Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
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