is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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