I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
