well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
