Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
