Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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