I wannas sexs uuuuu
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
