i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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