Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
