I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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