babies were throwing up all over the place
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Houston, we have a blender
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
