youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
