I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
