Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
