I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
