Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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