remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
