For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
