He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
