Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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