Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
