I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
