Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
