I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
