Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
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