WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
