Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
