I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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