I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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