My girlfriend figured out who you are.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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