we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
