This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
My liver just had a heart attack.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
