Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I met the friendliest cop last night
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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