omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
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