you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Drunk is not a location!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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