dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
