Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
