when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
