my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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