i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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