Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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