My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
