Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
