I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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