Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
