Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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