How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
