You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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