Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
