she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
