and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
