Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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