The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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