so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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