I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
